[opening theme music]
Will somebody please cue that bird?
* Samurai Pizza Cats Oh yeah *
* Who do you call When you want some pepperoni? *
* Samurai Pizza Cats *
Right on!
* They're stamping out crime, And you know that ain't balony *
* There's Speedy Cerviche, He's the leader of the bunch *
* A heck of a fighter, Makes a heck of a lunch! *
* And little Polly Esther Who's never afraid *
* of going into battle When the bad guys invade *
* Here's Guido Anchovy A wild romantic rover *
* This cat gets down down With a love hangover *
* Here come the Pizza Cats, They're so bad *
* They've got more fur Than any turtle ever had *
* They're stronger Than old cheese *
* Stronger than old cheese *
* They're stronger than dirt *
* Stronger than dirt *
* If you step on their tails *
Not on my tail!
* Then you're gonna get hurt *
Don't hurt me
* Samurai Pizza Cats *
They're fighting crime.
* All over town *
* Four, three, two, one *
* Pizza cats are on the run *
* The Big Cheese is the villain Who's lower than low *
* It's a rotten shame He lives in Little Tokyo *
* We've got a nasty Bad Bird And some nasty Ninja Crows *
* As soon as someone finds the Script we might begin the show *
* Sit right back, kick up Your feet *
* And turn the sound up high *
* And if you want the full Effect go eat a pizza pie *
* Samurai Pizza Cats *
[splash]
* Samurai Pizza Cats *
Another day in Little Tokyo, just like any other.
Another day, if the another day happened to be Christmas!
Our heroes are celebrating with root beer, anchovies
and four Christmas presents all the same size.
No, you're wrong, I got the biggest one.
Look at this, finger nail brushes!
Gosh, just what I always wanted!
You don't know how to appreciate a gift.
It's the thought that counts.
[cackling]
Oh Poly, that's courageous
and with a straight face and everything!
Well I mean it, Speedy!
Careful, you can get tossed out of television
with an attitude like that.
You agree with me, don't you, Francine?
Concerning presents? No!
You kill me, you really do!
Next I bet she's going to say it's better to give
than to receive!
You have no idea what Christmas really means!
It means getting presents!
Giving is good!
So is getting presents!
Well I'll give you something!
Hi! Isn't it a beautiful day for thinking of others?
You bet! Absolutely!
I'm glad you know what Christmas is all about!
Yes! Where are my gifts? Did I get a lot?
From the mouths of babes.
And out of this babe's mouth,
comes the true meaning of Christmas.
Presents! Lots and lots of presents!
So, Lucille, you got something on your mind?
Yeah, want to get something out of your hair?
So what kind of present would you like?
Do you want us to take you out to lunch?
[laughing]
You guys! Why are you so mean to me?
I'm getting upset!
[screaming]
[groaning]
Gee, and the place looked so nice too.
Meanwhile, over at the tastefully decorated
plush pagoda of The Big Cheese, and even though it's the middle
of the day,
sugar plums are still dancing in his little head!
Christmas day at last!
Christmas day, tra-la-la-la! Christmas!
Oh! I know he's been here!
My little stocking is filled!
I know what Santa Claus brought me!
I know he brought me what I wanted this year!
In here is a dance partner as pretty as I am handsome!
We'll be the envy of everyone at the new years' ball!
Come out to me, my lovely one!
I don't dance, you know?
What are you doing in my stocking?
I was expecting a Christmas surprise, you're not it!
Does this mean we're not going out new years' eve?
[babbling]
I don't care how low the price is, that's definitely the last
time I eat Timothy Leery birdseed.
Where are all my Christmas presents?
Could you move the camera?
[Christmas carols]
I love Christmas! That's when I collect all the presents I
told everyone they had to give me!
Far out!
Look, it's just what I wanted, a me clock!
Ah, and I look so good!
Don't tick me off!
You know I really like this, maybe we should pay for it!
[happy mumbling]
There are plenty of presents for Fred and Lady Vi
and down there all the extras have presents!
Oh! And of course everyone in the producers family has a great
big stack of Christmas goodies!
It's just a real good thing for you
I can see that you don't have any presents!
What? Who? Me? No, no, of course not! Not a single one!
Nope, no presents here!
What's that?
What do you mean 'what's that?'
Oh that! A tiny token of my esteem and appreciation!
We're up a little high for it to be getting that deep,
but never mind!
Please, enjoy!
At least I could count on you.
This is very sweet!
I hope you like it, I looked everywhere.
Geriatric! You're not going to live to get any more
grey feathers!
What sort of fool do you take me for?
I don't know, what kinds are there?
Shut up! Shut up!
It was even the same when I was a kid.
[mother] Santa has brought you a beautiful thing, Seymour!
[father] Yes, Son, the old elf brought you a real boys toy.
[giggling]
[crying] What? What is this bull?
Even that Santa Claus was passing me by and giving
presents to everyone else! Well, I've Had it you hear me, Claus!
Slow down, it's a long way to the north pole.
It's over for you now, Claus!
I'm going to see to it that your name is mud!
-Jerry? -Yes?
This is hot stuff, take notes!
After I'm through, the name Santa Claus will be said in
the same breath with Attila the Hun!
Oh yeah, oh yeah, he's gone.
Now here I'm supposed to mention animated conversations.
But I'm not paid enough to do jokes that bad!
Meanwhile, at The Pizza Cats Emporium...
[customer] One squid pizza.
One inky dinkser, oh could you hold on?
Hello! Thanks for calling Pizza Cats restaurant.
That's 32 sausage with mint jelly
for the Oddfellow's Hall, right?
Boy, you are odd! There in 10 minutes!
Guido! You've got to move faster, we're backing up!
Give me a break, Francine, I didn't get in until four!
This guy can start filling his own trailer!
Guido! Speedy's not back yet.
Argh! In case you hadn't noticed it's busy, we could use help!
If you don't mind!
[crowd chatting]
How come Dad doesn't come shopping?
He'd rather stay home and wait for the Trickle Down Theory
to start working!
-Hey! Speedy! -Sorry!
Got to deliver a Christmas pizza
to the prettiest thing in Little Tokyo.
* Oh, I'm a Pizza Cat And I'm okay *
* Make dough at night and bait by day *
* My looks are not too bad *
* I carry pizzas though this Town *
* Up steep hills and then I *
[giggling] Huh?
[crowd gasping]
Wait a minute, Santa's late.
What keeps the sled from falling down?
Magic maybe, I don't know!
I guess there could be wires over on the other side.
Or it could be something else entirely!
Santa! Santa!
Maybe I should ask Dad!
Don't be silly, you'll never get a straight answer, now come on!
Gee Mom! Thanks a lot.
Jingle, jingle, little people!
Look up here above the steeple!
Watch your heads cause here they fall.
More presents, one and all!
Whoa!
[crowd mumbling]
[screaming]
Hey, hey! Stop shoving, there's plenty here for everyone!
[screaming]
Don't even think about trying to get mine!
I'm sure glad Christmas brings out the best in everybody!
[crowd mumbling]
Hey, just what's the problem, huh?
[crowd crying] This!
This is terrible!
Why would Santa Claus do this to us?
I don't know! But I'm going to find out!
Your social life's your problem, Guido!
Have you considered going back to analysis?
Santa Claus came back and gave everybody these creepy masks
and now they won't come off!
[crying]
-That doesn't sound like Santa. -Maybe he forgot something?
Oh, they are creepy!
[children crying]
[Poly Esther] This is horrible, Guido!
We've got to try and get them off!
Come on!
[children crying]
Ah, this will never work!
Well let's try something else!
I had more fun when I was at the dentist last year!
[Seymour laughing] They're going to remember this!
The day Santa Claus made the whole town lose face!
Should I take us back to your pagoda now?
Or would you rather fly around town and get in one last gloat?
With the superglue I put inside those masks, lets gloat. A lot!
[evil laughing]
That looks like Santa's sleigh.
But I don't think he has bad bird for a driver.
The keen minder, Big Al Dente, instantly takes in the situation
and comes up with the appropriate course of action!
Impressive, isn't it?
I'll call... The Pizza Cats!
Having received their call to action from Big Al Dente,
Our crime fighting feline heroes leap into the fray
utilizing their incredibly high tech laundry chutes
they prepare to be launched into the clear skies
of Little Tokyo!
* They make great pizza But that ain't all *
* Samurai Pizza Cats *
* They're ready to fight When you need them just call *
* They know how to stop crime *
* Just do what they say *
* If you don't want a bad time Stay out of their way *
[evil laughing]
Oh I love those cats
* Samurai Pizza Cats *
* The heroes who always Wear fur *
[evil laughing]
[Francine announcing] Ladies and gentlemen, for those who
aren't sure, we always deliver a pizza this pure.
And this time our heroes so fury and cute are standing by
in our delivery chute.
So plug up your ears and cover your eyes
as our Samurai Pizza Cats take to the skies!
Here we go!
[engine warming up]
[rockets launching]
Hey Mom, the whole Santa Claus family is flying in
for the holidays.
[mom mumbling]
You know, I could be highly traumatized by
your lack of interest.
[mom groaning]
Ok, tell me again how wearing these suits
is going to restore confidence in Santa Claus?
It's all terribly psychological
When the towns people see the familiar image of Santa Claus
performing positively, their belief system will be returned
to traditional values.
Dibs on kicking Big Cheese's tail!
I got dibs at kicking his tail!
-[Poly Esther] Turning! -[Guido moaning] Poly!
You never signal till it's too late!
Meanwhile, in another part of the sky.
Ho Ho! Santa's here!
Gifties! Presents! Get them while they're fresh!
Bonus presents from Santa Claus!
Pretty packages, fresh presents for everyone
Remember the name, there'll be a test later! That's Santa Claus
[crowd cheering]
Big Cheese is about to get creamed!
[explosion]
[screaming]
[crowd] Wow!
[Big Cheese groaning]
[Guido] Have a nice trip?
[crowd gasping]
Oh no! Not again!
Up on a house top... Mit, mit, mit, mit, mit!
Gee, have we seen them before?
No, but I may know the fellow in the red suit.
Hey! I didn't know Santa was triplet.
Had enough? You Santa impersonator!
What's that? A Santa impersonator?
[crowd chanting] Fake! Fake!
And all those presents are nothing but a dirty, rotten trap
They're dangerous and you need to get rid of them!
[crowd] What? Dangerous? Oh no!
Hey! I spend a lot of money on those!
[sniggering]
Alright you Christmas killjoys!
Get ready for a sleigh ride!
Here's a present!
[Pizza Cats screaming] Oh no!
[Pizza Cats moaning]
Hey, what happened?
Their outfits are gone, they're not from the North Pole!
Hmm, but I like that girls beard!
You mean there's no Santa Claus?
Yes, there is! These guys just tried to give him a bad name!
And we did it too!
Bad bird I'm going to wrap you up like a gift!
Get going you stupid robot!
Look! Big Cheese is going to escape!
Not when I can pull out great props from nowhere!
Ah, you rotten cat, you've scratched the paint
on this sled of ours too!
[crowd shouting]
Come on cat, what's the matter with you? Let me out of here!
[Big Cheese groaning]
Poor devil never had a chance.
Not against fooled Christmas shoppers
Hardy boy you're up!
[drum roll]
Alright cats, say your prayers!
[evil laughing]
[laughing]
A joke right? For this, I'm supposed to say my prayers?
Okay! Time's up, joke's over with!
Ta-da!
[shouting]
[Bad Bird laughing] looks like that's a wrap
Now you can stop complaining because you finally
got some tape on yourself!
[triumphant singing]
-He really needs help! -Let's go!
Let me up! I'll pulverize you! If you don't step on me!
Hey ugly! Get away from him!
[giggling]
Here, suck on these!
Ta-da!
[evil chuckle]
Wow!
[Big Cheese evil chuckling]
Alright, boy!
[fighting]
[gasping]
Inside the fiery blast of the robot's destruction
another deadly form takes shape!
Now there's something you don't see every day!
[Robot evil laughing]
She's pretty, she's evil, let's face it, she's pretty evil!
I hope you're not teed off!
[Guido] Oh, you are!
[shouting] Four!
[garbled voices]
[explosion]
Mommy!
Four, five, six, seven, twelve, twenty three!
Nice shot!
That depends on your point of view!
[thud]
Now, now. So it all depends on your point of view, hey?
You'll get the point!
[quivering]
[evil laughing]
[screaming]
I got the point, you weren't kidding!
Hmm. Well now, how should I finish you off for good?
-Guido! -Quiet, she might hear us!
Ah! You're right, I did hear you so come and get it!
Nothing like a little home cooking to make sure
you get your vitamins! Eat your peas!
[babbling]
[cackling] How do you like them beans, huh cats?
Think that was good? Now we really going to cook!
Alright, that's it! I don't even care anymore what happens to me
but these guys want to make Christmas a bad word
and ruin Santa's reputation.
They've made a lot of kids cry and that's stopping right now!
Time for the ultimate weapon.
And about time too!
The special effects man was starting to wonder
if we were ever going to get to this part of the show!
The magic of Ginzu's sword!
It slices, it dices, bad guys pay the prices!
Not available in any store!
[zapping]
Pizza power!
I thought I saw a pussy cat!
I did! I did see one!
[screaming]
[Guido] Oh no!
Why does he always beat us with that silly sword.
So stunt man will always have a job!
Yeah! Remember kids, eat your pizza!
Come on, guys! Can you please get this mask off my face?
Please?
[crowd moaning]
Ow! Leave my face on!
Sorry, but I don't think I can get it off anyway!
I can't go to school like this! I can't go to the arcade!
Well, we can't do it without hurting you.
Maybe they'll come off by themselves after a little time.
And maybe they'll never come off again ever!
[crowd mumbling]
[bells jingling]
I think that's him, really! He knew we needed him!
[bells jingling]
[crowd murmuring]
[joyful shouting]
I didn't think there was a real Santa.
I didn't think so either.
I always knew Santa was real. Always.
And with a happy town behind him Santa's sleigh flies North!
Boy I'm glad that glue dissolving formula worked,
Francine!
I think everybody is, Big Al!
Even if they never know that's what it was.
And as Big Al and Francine prepared to go back to work
and keep their little secret, it's good to know that even if
there isn't really a Santa Claus, there's always
someone willing to play the part. And after all
isn't that part of what makes Christmas so neat?
[laughing] Not really Santa?
Just someone willing to play the part?
[laughing] That's what makes the job so much fun!
[Santa] Ho ho ho ho ho!
[bells jingling]
Ladies and gentlemen, the Samurai Pizza Cat fan club oath.
The Pizza Cats are Samurai, and I'd like to note.
Their antics take your breath away
like fur balls in your throat.
We kittens are a special breed, we never call retreat.
Whenever Big Cheese knocks us down,
we land upon our feet!
So hail to thee, oh Pizza Cat, please ring your little bell.
Although you may be pen and ink we know you'll fight like...
Pizza Cats!
* Samurai Pizza Cats *
* We hope you liked the show It's the best that we could do*
* Samurai Pizza Cats *
* If you could do better Then we'd leave it up to you *
* Just a reminder You might like to know *
* The cats will be back For another big show *
[laughing] Oh gosh!
* Samurai Pizza Cats *
They're fighting crime, oh yes!
* All over town *
[laughing] Oh yeah!
* Two, four, six, eight Why do we expectorate? *
* Samurai Pizza Cats *
* Read all the credits and you'll know who did the work *
[laughing]
* Samurai Pizza Cats *